In the company of Scrooge

It’s Christmas-time. Shop windows have all sorts of wonderful Christmas displays, and tomorrow night will be the lighting ceremony that will light up the streets with Christmas lights. Christmas can be so magical here and I love it.

Only this year, I feel like I don’t have time for Christmas. I have a Deadline and ever since my mental breakdown a few years ago it seems like my instinctive reaction to stress is to shut down. No good. It’s also Winter, which is Dark, and I just want to hibernate. It’s very difficult for me to wake up before the sun wakes up. This is my fifth winter in Scotland and that’s just a fact of life. So I’m coming into the office later than I’d like, trying to work and sometimes working, all the while wishing I could be home putting up my Christmas tree, baking cranberry orange bread, cutting snowflakes out of paper, watching Love Actually and White Christmas with huge mugs of hot chocolate and bundled up in blankets. But the Chapter Must Be Done before I get on a plane to Americaland on the 19th.

At the same time, I’ve been wondering: is it even worth decorating my house for Christmas if it’s just going to come down on the 18th? Depending on when I’d find time to put up Ebenezer the Tree and the rest of the decorations, I’ll only be able to enjoy it for a week. Is that worth the effort?

It’s enough to make me wish I were staying here again for Christmas, like I have the last two years. Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to seeing family and friends when I’m back in the States. I’d just like to be able to relax and celebrate Christmas with my own church and in my own home.

And now my lunch break is over, which means it’s back to work.