A proposal:

Universities should develop postgraduate relaxation centres.

It has been well documented that postgraduates are the present and future of academia. Their rigorous research loads are often well beyond the capacity of the average person; indeed, many postgraduates sacrifice the greatest years of their youth in the pursuit of knowledge and truth. Often the demands exacted upon even the most admirable of postgraduates wear their toll, resulting in burnout and apathy. Therefore, for the sake of academia, of culture and society both, the continued well-being of postgraduates should be among the University’s highest priorities.

Most universities already have some form of Student Support Services in place, including a student support hotline designed to reach out to the especially depressed student. Most universities also have a fitness centre where students may ostensibly work out the tired and tense muscles caused by poor posture and long hours in the office or laboratory. However, neither of these services truly offer the support that postgraduates need: rest and relaxation. Postgraduates do not need someone else to complain to, and 87.3 percent of postgraduates admit to an aversion of physical exercise. Therefore, a new relaxation scheme must be introduced to ensure the continued productivity of Scotland’s postgraduates.

The postgraduate relaxation centre will combine elements of the health spa and bed and breakfast. Postgraduates suffer most from research-induced stress, resulting in tight muscles that can cause discomfort and even migraines. To remedy the harmful effects of tense muscles, the relaxation centre should employ full-time masseuses in proportion to the university’s postgraduate population. The centre should also include hot baths and steam rooms to ensure maximum relaxation. In addition, for the most strenuously overworked, the centre would also include a host of guest rooms, each soundproofed and fully equipped with the most comfortable, soft beds imaginable, as well with a full breakfast service available in the morning. These rooms may be reserved for a maximum of 72-hours, allowing the postgraduate to sleep off whatever stresses have harried them in the outside world and to recuperate their mental powers to resume work once their period within the centre has completed. The spa services would be available to the students throughout each term, including the summer months, and the guest rooms may be reserved no more than twice per term. Additionally, spouses of postgraduates may also have access to the relaxation centre, as well as unmarried significant others, providing that the latter may adequately prove that their loved one’s research has caused them undue stress. Once this scheme is in place, universities may see that their postgraduates not only produce both higher output and higher quality of work, but also a general improvement in the well-being and happiness of their most precious academic resource.

[453 words, excluding headings.]