I’ve tried to write this post four times already and keep deleting it. Basically: I’m lonely. I miss Kelly, and Kali, and Sarah. I miss the clear blue skies of New Mexico and coming back to the Williamses’ house to watch a movie. I miss a green couch and red walls and watching old Star Trek episodes curled under a brown and blue blanket with Kali. Or knitting while watching Firefly with Kelly. I miss the trees and the benches in the library quad. I miss going to Raley nearly every day to watch the sunset. Wearing skirts and walking on the sloping stone walls barefoot in spring and summer. The changing seasons. I miss sitting across the table drinking tea, eating dinner, playing Scrabble or Three-Person Spades or Sequence. I took a walk today along West Sands and thought about the friends I have made here, and the difficulty trying to find time to be with them when my study habits don’t match theirs, when I pour my time and energy into my work and reap the rewards of a scholar.
I used to write more like yesterday’s post. My journal used to be filled with pages of such prose. Partly, I think, because I used to take walks more often—walking along the beach is nice, but I do also miss trees and some creature other than seagulls—but mostly, I think, because I lack companionship. Which takes time. But. No worries—I’m back to the library tomorrow, and I, like a good scholar, shall immerse myself in work. Life tends to be pleasanter when I have something to work on. (Yes, I prefer escapism.)
I remembered my camera this time, and the clouds had the audacity to rain on me.