Whenever I see a car that looks like yours, I look twice, and then chide myself for looking. I miss our unbidden, sacred meetings in your room. I would lie on the bed, you would stand in the doorway, and you would sit in your chair. I miss the sunny days and skies as pale as your eyes. I miss reading together in silence. I miss making dinner for you, and sitting on the couch with a cup of tea. I miss trading glances with each other and the clock. I miss sitting through all the credits. I miss taking walks with you. I miss…

I struggle with seeing my time here as long enough to make connections and with seeing it merely as limbo. Two and a half months. Am I simply biding my time? Or will I live here, too? I am trying, I am putting forth the effort. Yet at the beginning it is hard to see if your effort is worth it, especially when you remember something that was. I also cannot see what is coming; my eyes are fixed on the present. Each day is a lifetime, a breath, a paradox and soon I’ll be waking from this sleep to find myself in another dream.

‘The only constant is change., <<In six months, everything will be different.>> :There is always tomorrow.: 1

What would my life be without books? Last night at Bible study, I brought up the debate on the licitness of laughter from The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco. Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson has got gears turning in the back of my head whenever I read a news article. As I’ve listened to Sara Groves at work, typing and typing various documents, I’ve been connecting the discussion on Charity in The Four Loves with the Beggarman from The Dispossessed by Ursula K. Le Guin. [Unfortunately, there is only one person I know who has read both of these books, and she hasn’t done so recently. :P]

“I am, you know the Beggarman,” he said to the old man, as he had said to Dr. Kimoe on the Mindful. “I could not bring money, we do not use it. I could not bring gifts, we use nothing that you lack. So I come, like a good Odonian, ‘with empty hands.'”
–The Dispossessed, Ursula K. Le Guin

“We come with beautiful secrets.” —Sara Groves

Various styles of quotations are in tribute to, “Usually, in telepathic speech…”

2 thoughts on “You

  1. Kelly says:

    Oh, friend. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks in books.

    You have the luxury of remembering the little red house the way it was, but every day I wander through it as it is: as empty as the between moments. Sadly, right now are the between moments for the both of us.

    Think of Gandalf’s “White shores… and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.” Be happy.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s